How I learned to stop worrying and love the 'Chott

(with apologies to the late Stanley Kubrick, for the title)



Within a few hours of landing in this country, I decided that I hated it, it was dirty and depressing, it made me very nervous, and I wanted to go home. It has been a looooong road to get to where I am now: not just being ok with it, but really loving my life here.

I spent the first months worried, irritable and not sleeping well. I was anxious about everything: about the lack of a reliable hospital, the kids falling down the stairs or drowning in the sea, what on earth I would cook for dinner, strange diseases, bombs, kidnappings, bugs in the kitchen, being away from family, how I would handle being a working mom.....you name it, it made me crazy with worry. I was convinced that'd I never drive here, or shop by myself. I certainly never envisioned myself being relaxed and happy to start each day. I sort of planned on not making any good friends. I was hesitant to even hang the pictures on the walls, because there was no way this would ever feel like home. And I was sure we'd be leaving soon, because Aaron would get a new job.

Fast forward to this past weekend, when there were over 40 people on our roof (several of whom I consider good friends), eating and drinking and having a great time. They stayed til after midnight talking and enjoying the fresh air. The next morning we slept in, woke up to the sun shining, birds chirping outside (yeah ok, and also roosters crowing and goats bleating and the call to prayer coming from a nearby mosque) and the kids all piled in our bed being silly. We got to linger over our coffee and waffles. In the afternoon, I went to the office to get some Actual Work done, because during the week, I have a steady parade of people coming in just to chat (which is great, but I never get anything done).

Later that day, we went to the beach to fly kites and find shells. As I sat there watching my kids play, I realized that I am happy. I'm ok with living here and doing what we're doing because that's obviously what the Lord wants for us right now. We are together as a family, living in a nice house, with a wonderful housekeeper. The kids are doing well in school and have enough activities to keep them occupied, but not overbooked. Aaron loves his job. I have optimistic, fun friends and I see them every week. I even have a little time to read books and enjoy my hobbies.

So how did I get here? Well, prayer was the first step. When you keep asking God "why?" and "what if bad things happen?" you just wind up more upset. I found that to "be still and know that He is God," made me feel calmer, and that He was saying to me, "Why not?" and "what if.....you made the best of it?"

My job was also a big factor in adjusting. It forced me out of the house and behind a desk that people come to looking for answers and encouragement (and sweets and coffee...). I got to know and love the local staff. I gained confidence by leading meetings and organizing events and traveling by myself. I learned how an embassy works and how proud I am of my husband for the way he does his job. I've been given the opportunity to learn French with a private tutor; when you can speak the language, living in a foreign country is so much better.

I also got some help for my anxiety and depression (mild, but definitely a problem). I'll spare you the details, but I can tell you my treatment has been a great success and has helped me cope. I'm so grateful for the resources I have here.

And I can't forget, there was the epiphany I had a few months ago: when I am happy and relaxed, so is the rest of my family. That was a huge motivator in my seeking help in the first place. I want my kids to have fond memories of our time here, in this dirt-poor city on the edge of the desert. I hope they can start to understand their place in the world and how to make it better. I want them to learn that life is what you make it.